'I'm a Loser!....Now What?!'

Like a bad smell it punches you in the face when you least expect it, then annoyingly lingers far longer than you thought it could or that you think you can handle, gnawing away at any glimmer of confidence trying desperately to save your poor defenceless mind. Thankfully, 9 times out of 10, I find myself getting out of the funk that is self doubt,  as quick as I got in to it, seeking ways to distract my over-active brain from the overwhelming sense of doom and gloom. There seems to be no rhyme or reason as to when self doubt rears it's ugly head. I can be doing perfectly fine, producing work that I and those whom I'm employed by are more than happy with, then BAM!, it knocks me sideways and the mist sets in. Then there I am, curling up in to a ball, letting the fog consume me in seconds.  Sometimes you wallow in it a while and other times, you go into total 'block-it-out denial' mode,  springing in to action, peeing on the bonfires of those demons determined to rain on your parade. Ain't no body got time for that! I guess it's enviable that from time to time, Creatives feel a pang of self doubt when so much of what they produce is of themselves-their babies, if you like! Sending your offspring in to the world is fraught with danger and the promise of potential criticism. All it takes is this threat to spark your inner doubts. 

Am I good enough?

 Is what I produce of a high standard? 

Should I quit now? 

When will 'they' find me out? 

That last one is a favourite of mine. Like a broken record, I regularly play that old classic, 'Lisa, you're fraudster, you're an imposter!'. The verses are long and weary.....the chorus, even longer! It's on repeat and getting louder and louder! Avoiding it becoming the soundtrack to my day takes one, two or ALL FOUR of the following tactics....

1.If You Can't Beat Them.....

In finding ways to combat self doubt, I guess the first thing to remember is that indeed, EVERY creative goes through it. For me it feels a tad selfish to rejoice in the idea that your counterparts are out there suffering but there has to be comfort in the knowledge that it's totally normal. Strength in numbers and all that! The consolation of being part of a collective of like-minded individuals who are equally giving themselves a hard time without reason to, will help to ease your fears of being a loser and an alone one at that.  If you need further reassurance, speak to friends who are also Creatives-they'll not be long in telling you about their faithful old friend self-doubt, who shows up unannounced and unapologetically, starts to insult you the second they arrive and disappears in to the abyss with no warning of when they'll be back.   

2. Be A Detective

With every negative statement or argument against you trying to zap that creative energy, seek out the evidence to contradict them. And yes, the evidence will be there! You will have already proven, time and time again, to yourself (and others!) that you can do it, that you have the ability to do great things and create amazing work. You just have to remind yourself of all the times you totally smashed it!  Look through your diary, old photos, video clips, your portfolio...wherever there's a record of what you've done up to this point, go there and take note! 

3. Squirrel!

As kids, we are told that letting yourself get distracted is a 'bad thing' but sometimes that's EXACTLY what you need to do when you can't seem to shake off those blues. Force your mind on to a new topic that is sure to lift your spirits and help you get back on track. Plan an outing, think of that routine you love at your fitness class (why not even get up and  actually do it?!), pick up a magazine and read an article, put the wheels in motion to do something fun that you've been putting off. Send your mind wondering elsewhere...far far away from the realms of questioning your worth and the value of what you produce. That head space is way too valuable to be clogging it up with thoughts which are not conducive to your plan for world domination. 

4. Phone A Friend

Sometimes all it takes is to voice our feelings of self doubt to those who know and love us, only to be told that we are completely wrong and that it's literally 'all in your head'. We can all be our own worst enemies, flushing our own heads down that toilet bowl of 'I'm crap! This idea is rubbish! No one will ever hire me! and when you're head's down there sometimes all it will take is a friend to grab you by the hair, lift you up and dry you off with compliments and  reassurance that you're doing just fine! On this occasion they become the detective presenting the evidence that you could have looked for yourself but was nicer to hear coming from someone else. 

At least one, if not all of the above, is sure to help clear the haze enough for you to move forward and eventually rid yourself of the uncertainty that is slowing things down to a imminent halt and stopping you from doing what you do best...being creative! Like a rain cloud threatening to pour down right on top of you, self doubt will pass on by with time, but putting up an umbrella to shelter you won't do any harm in the meantime. You must remember that YOU are in control of your own thoughts and YOU have the power to bury the ones that don't work for you...just  reach for that shove! 

A pupil in my class last week when struggling with a pirouette reminded her fellow classmates (who were also finding it difficult) that it's not I can't but in fact, I can't YET. And it's that hope of a bright future, the endless possibilities just around the corner and remembering that which hasn't worked out is indeed making way for what is meant, is sure to help you realise that self doubt kills dreams......and that's bad business for us Creatives. After all, aren't we all about making them come true?! 

Human Jenga? and Other Questions

The Creative Process can be an tumultuous adventure peppered with so many contradictions. Moments of intense anxiety and stress find themselves in juxtaposition with periods of time where everything is plain-sailing and going your way. It can be a drawn-out, lengthy affair at points and then, all of a sudden, you find yourself moving from A-B quicker than you can say 'create'. Having an idea is one thing but what you do next to realise the vision is another. Every creative has their way of doing things and over time this evolves and morphs into something very different as we get to grips with what helps us get the juices flowing and what causes a draught. Looking to others for inspiration is a given and although we may not always seek out their advice and opinions (quite often you actively avoid it!), what they do, say, wear, think, produce can open up a world of creative possibilities or simply provide that tiny jigsaw piece that was missing. 

In my line of work, the creative process is always a journey that I embark on with others. Even when I'm alone, at home barefoot in my spare room attempting to choreograph the opening number to a show on a rainy Tuesday morning, I'm working with others. I have the dancers in mind-How do they move? What will they find challenging? What will excite them? Then there's the audience- What do they want to see? What do they need to see? Will they understand the story better through the choreography? Not forgetting other choreographers-What did they do with this number? What didn't they do that I could? And so, I start to make something that speaks to all of these people that I may have never even met before and might never and I think this is true for many creatives. Inspiration has to come from somewhere, something or someone- a painting, a song, a film, your granny's net curtains....whatever it may be, we all look outwardly at the world around us in the hope of igniting something inside. 

On the way back to my car today I came across this awesome piece of street art on the side of a Strathclyde University building. My initial reaction was 'oh that's cool' and I liked it enough to photograph it. But as I headed up the hill, I started to think of the artist's inspiration and the reasons why it was chosen for that particular wall. Art is meant to get you thinking and that's exactly what it did. Kudos to the artist for nailing that one! Looking at those 6 dudes in their black shorts and gym shoes, I started to wonder who in the scenario instigated this human jenga-like tableau.

The Dude Far Left: Did he do a handstand, begin to fall and the guy now supporting him ran in to catch his feet then decided to place them on his shoulders, thus starting off the entire piece? Et voila! A cool pose and a crisis averted. Or, did he fully intend to create this pose, instructing the other guy where to be exactly in order to acheive his vision. Does it matter how it happened? Is it not enough to say that this was the result? 

The Dude Standing, Facing Left: Was he the Hero as discussed above or was he the initial mastermind behind this set up? Is he afraid of heights or being upside down and so chose to be the base guy? His pose is pretty dull in comparison to the others but if we took him out of the equation, what would happen? 

The Dude Planking, Facing Left: Was it him that kicked it all off? Without the others he'd be doing his thing on the ground which certainly wouldn't be as impressive. But then again, he is arguably what makes this more interesting to look at, so is he the key to it's success? 

The Dude Planking, Facing Right: He's at the top, so maybe this was all his idea being the bravest one in the group. Again, if you took him out of the picture it would still be a spectacle but do you agree, he almost adds a hint of danger and excitement to it all?

The Dude Standing, Facing Right; Was this where it all began? Like his counterpart, standing on the other side,  he may have been the initiating piece of the puzzle from where everyone then took inspiration. We can all agree that without him, the picture would look very different. Just because his role wouldn't be deemed the most exciting one, does it mean we can't consider him as valuable?

The Dude Far Right: Whether he is a confident gymnast or someone being supported in a position he cannot hold himself, this guy is adding to the interest of it all. He's upside down for a start (what's not to like?!) and he's creating an element of symmetry to the picture (with his hand standing counterpart) which we can all appreciate. 

Was this six-man, Cirque Du Soleil set-up the goal or was it created out of sheer mishap? Was it a collaborative project involving the ideas of all six involved or was their one choreographer calling the shots? If it were the latter, is he in the picture or is there a 7th member of the group who was overseeing the entire thing from humble beginnings to it's final flourish? What we can't deny is that without those 6 bodies (aside from the number of brains that may or may not have been involved) this would have remained an idea and not a reality.  Did the artist witness this in real life or did he or she draw inspiration from other stimuli, using university life and Strathclyde's motto,  'The Place of Useful Learning' as a catalyst to creating the final artwork? 

It is likely we'll never know the answers to all these queries but do we need to? Is it not enough, just to be asking questions that may inspire us to create something for ourselves? The creativity that could go into making that six man tower isn't tangible or measurable and that's what makes the creative process a place of awesome contradictions and stifling wonderment. It's what makes the thing you create....literally! A long and winding road at times, it is never one which you travel alone....us creatives aren't solo travellers. Sometime we need to call on some dudes in short shorts and plimsoles to realise our dreams. 

Fingers, Pies and Everything in Between

For those who know me and have taken the time to click the link and have found themselves here wondering, 'What's that Lisa Kennedy up to now?!' (that's what you thought, eh?!), I thank you kindly for being curious enough to dedicate a pocket of your valuable social media scrolling time to moi. For those who don't know me, the people that do would tell you that 'I'm always up to something!'. Not in a devious, scheming sort of way of course, but more and more often, I find that when folks ask me what I'm up to in general day to day conversation, it always results in them remarking on how busy I am and the variety of 'pies I have my fingers in' as it were. Sometimes it can feel more like spinning plates than delighting in baked goods if I'm honest but all my life (all 33.5 years of it) I have felt and followed the urge to create. Dance, music, events....a mess (as my husband would add!) and it's always resulted in something. Big or small, appreciated or unnoticed, life changing or a fleeting pastime, whatever the outcome of this surge of creativity I'm never left feeling that it was a waste of my time. There's something, however small, to be gained from giving in to that instinct to make stuff. 

I think that's the reason why I have always migrated towards others who are also creative and find them the most easy to connect with. I admire those who are bold or brave enough to make something and then put it out in to the world for others to chew on. For a lot of creatives, the process is enough and the final piece of work is a bi-product, a souvenir of all the fun, frustration and fervour. Some bodies of work never see the light of day and are for the creator's sole (and soul!) enjoyment. For others, they send their 'new baby' in to the big bad world fully aware that they risk coming up against the Negative Nancys of the world but do so anyway, basking in the pride of what they have produced with their personal stamp firmly on it. 

I salute those who create and savour every aspect of the journey. They take the rough with the smooth and power through to make things of beauty that they and more often than not, others can enjoy and be inspired by. Inspiration is born out of life's ups and downs and that's where the beauty lies. A rap about the passing of a dear friend; street art celebrating a city's diverse culture; a dance piece about modern society's obsession with 'the perfect body'. Creatives make sense of and in turn, speak to the world around them through that which they create. It's when their world sits up, takes notice and changes in some way, shape or form for the better that they feel that 'spark'! 

It's my initial intention to showcase some of the most forward-thinking, fun-loving, talented creatives that I have the pleasure of knowing. In time I hope that in doing so I'll get to know more of these fine beings and be able to share their stories, wisdom and everything in between with you. 

Information is key. No man is an island. Whit's fur ye won't go by ye.....whatever your mantra, there's something to be gained from joining the army that is, The Braw and The Brave. 

Stay tuned. 

Love and Light, Lisa